OWPCA
Humor Page
The following are misc. pieces
of humor contributed from numerous contributors.
We hope you enjoy them.
He Haw...
We are on our way to the OWPCA Annual Short School.
We'll meet you there.
Click Here To Read About Dihydrogen Oxide Pollution
Quotes
My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign.
Together we make mud. - - Rodney Dangerfield
The shower is the greatest invention. I don't
like to take a bath. I don't like to wash my face in the water I've been sitting
in.-- Lewis Grizzard
How come when you mix water and flour together
you get glue ... and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does
the glue go?-- Rita Rudner
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub
of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. -- Minnie Pearl
* * *
Water Bed
Humor
A friend of mine awoke one
morning to find a puddle of water in the middle of his king-size water bed. In
order to fix the puncture, he rolled the heavy mattress outdoors and filled it
with more water so he could locate the leak more easily. The enormous bag of
water was impossible to control and began rolling on the hilly terrain. He tried
to hold it back, but it headed downhill and landed in a clump of bushes which
poked it full of holes. Disgusted, my friend threw out the water-bed frame and
moved a standard bed into his room. The next morning, he awoke to find a puddle
of water in the middle of the new bed. The upstairs bathroom had a leaky drain.
Source: Reader's Digest,
March, 1993, Page 123
* * *
Nautical
Humor Dictionary
Click
Here
* * *
Long Lost Son
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy
some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court I noticed he was
watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all
different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.
The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically
asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so
that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in
classic style he did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex
with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
* * *
Country
Funeral
As a young minister
in Kentucky , I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for
a homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a
new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be
buried there.
I was not familiar
with the backwoods area, and I soon became lost. Being a typical man, I did not
stop to ask for directions. I finally arrived an hour late.
I saw the backhoe
and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The digging crew was
eating lunch. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and I stepped to the
side of the open grave. There I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured
the workers I would not hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the
proper thing to do.
The workers
gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I began to pour out my heart
and soul. As I preached about 'looking forward to a brighter tomorrow' and 'the
glory that is to come,' the workers began to say 'Amen,' 'Praise the Lord,' and
'Glory!' The fervor of these men truly inspired me.
So, I preached and
I preached like I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to
Revelations.
I finally closed
the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men, and walked to my car. As I
was opening the door and taking off my coat, I heard one of the workers say to
another, 'I ain't NEVER seen nothin' like that before, and I've been puttin' in
septic tanks for thirty years.
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